• I’m feeling so blah about everything today.  I’m hoping it’s just one of those day long funks that I’ll magically break out of later, but I don’t know.  The lack of sunshine seriously does not help.  I haven’t quite figured out yet what will help.
• I love twitter.  It maintains my sanity.
• Doing my makeup helped my mood a little bit…
• This article made me both happy and sad http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/21-things-we-all-need/ I’m missing quite a few…
• A fight with a friend sent a bad day to a worse day.
• I’ve been dealing with an ongoing migraine for about 5 days now and it has officially beaten me down.  My body is definitely in a full-on Fibro flare too.  The pain is probably part of why I’m not my happiest-go-luckiest self.
• Search and find games also help me remain sane, but they are hard to play with my arms and wrists  hurting so much!

YES.

These illnesses make everything exist on a very fine line!

My spirit animal is the sloth!

How is your Monday going?  Hopefully a little better than mine!!  Feel free to vent to me, I’m always around to listen.  Sending love to each and everyone one of you!

xoxo,

Annie

• Starting a brand new art journal
• Finding some new bands to love!
• Getting organized…I need to sort through my room later this weekend when I feel better and get some ideas going on my bulletin board.
• The quote “affecting the quality of the day is no small achievement” ~ unknown
• There are so many movies that I want to see: The Great Gatsby, Iron Man 3, Star Trek – Into Darkness, The Bling Ring, etc…!
• Any and all pocket size books to write in!  I never keep track of things on the computer, as I’m still a paper girl!  Also, checking off my to-do lists!!
• My nails have gone without chips for a solid five days now.  That’s like a record for me!  I’m way too hard on my hands!
• Old photographs…I need to go through the ones downstairs and scan them, as my mother wants me to make her a scrapbook .

Little lovebirds

Sounds like my upcoming weekend!

I would like to have my nails done like this ASAP.

(Images from WeHeartIt)

What moments of bliss did you manage to find or create this week?  I’d love to know!  Take just a moment to write a gratitude list, I promise it will make your Friday look a little brighter!

xoxo,

Annie

Yesterday I was cursed with a nasty migraine, so I couldn’t push myself to write anything of interest in this ol’ blog of mine.  I’m sure most of you know the feeling…

I’m having another lay in bed day thanks to this lovely pelvic pain.  To be honest, I spend almost every day either laying or sitting on my bed.  It’s not really a novelty.  Everything that I work on happens from bed.  It’s my office, my rest area, my KINGDOM, etc… Thankfully, I enjoy my bedroom, or that would be a real downer.

AND… every time I try to post a picture that I’ve taken which appears right side up in my folders, it comes up sideways in this blog.

Clearly I’m not meant to show you a glimpse into my life today.

Yes WordPress, you are damaging my calm!!

(Image from WeHeartIt)

I will have to attempt said glimpse of my room later from my iPad, even though the pictures will probably have to be either small or gigantic.  It seems that there is no middle ground with that machine’s WordPress app, but at least the pictures show up right-side-up there!

Every month I say the same thing. HORMONES SUCK.

xoxo,

Annie

• There weren’t any Fibromyalgia Awareness Day events around here to partake in yesterday.  I should attempt to organize one someday if I ever feel up to it.
• I wish I had enough money to just get on a plane and go and visit some of my lovely twitter friends
• I kind of miss my extreme highs and lows that I experienced before being on all of this medication.  Now it’s nice to not be suicidal and be in less pain, but I feel like it has significantly affected my creativity.  I suppose I’m at least able to work on it everyday now as opposed to just in moments of inspiration, but I don’t have those same feelings to from which to derive art.
• I had a massive panic attack at the family play/dinner theater that I went to this weekend.  I ended up having to be heavily dosed with clonazepam so I could even sit in my seat and doodle.  I was ready to just run for the woods and stay there.  Something about all that noise and laughter and my inability to make small talk just makes me panic.
• I’m really concerned about this whole switch to methadone this summer.  My meds are controlling my problems at the best level that they’ve ever been and I’m going to have to change them.  The last thing I want to do is start going backwards.
• My Netflix hates me today…

Or just clam up entirely…

I try anyway…

(Images from WeHeartIt)

How is your Monday going?  Are you having a decent start to the week, or is everything just falling apart?  Feel free to share with me, it often feels better to write it out!  Sending you all love!

xoxo,

Annie

• Finding Tumblr sites that are full of people’s art journals and scrolling through them endlessly for inspiration
• The beautiful weather, even though I’ve already started to have issues with temperature regulation :/
• Cuddling with my cat while watching Game of Thrones
• Seeing Meaghan and her adorable daughter!
• Going through my saved favorites on Twitter and re-experiencing all those good thoughts!
• Flipping through my old magazines and seeing what has changed between then and now!
• Changing out all of my long pajamas for short pajamas (summer is coming…)
• Catching up on twitter with people I haven’t talked to in ages!
• MAY 12th is FIBROMYALGIA AWARENESS DAY.  Now there are no events happening in my area, but I certainly wish there were as I would go participate.  I plan to be tweeting up a storm though!
• Listening to my favorite tunes on Youtube

I love this picture! Makes me want to make a sign for Marms!

DO IT.

Educate yourself!!!!!!!!!!

(Images from WeHeartIt and The Fibromyalgia Network)

How are all of you doing on this Friday?  Please take some time out to reflect on your favorite moments of the week – I promise it will make you feel better!  Sending love to you all!

xoxo,

Annie

“Life’s blows cannot break a person whose spirit is warmed by the fire of enthusiasm.” ~Norman Vincent Peale

I truly believe that one of the things that has gotten me through the toughest of times is my desire to be inspired.  No matter what I’m doing, I try to dedicate my whole self to it.  When I’m writing this blog, I try to pour my heart out to all of you.  When I watch television, I make sure that it is something that I truly enjoy and can get lost in, as opposed to just background noise.  When I’m in pain and feeling down, I search for things that can get me even remotely excited about anything in life again.  In the midst of major depression, it’s incredibly hard to do this.  I’m lucky to have found a medication that alleviates some of that apathy.  Mostly though, it’s something that I’ve had to make into a habit.  I believe that happiness is not just something that occurs, but instead is something to be worked at.

My years of therapy have shown me that it is possible to be easier on myself, and to go after things that I’m interested in, while being okay with making mistakes.  I used to be a perfectionist, and if it wasn’t something that I could perfect within a short time frame, it wasn’t something that I was going to put perfectly good energy towards.  Now that my energy is a more sparse commodity, I like to put it towards the things that make me happy.  For instance, I love working in my art journal, even though I know I’m not the best at drawing.  However, when I look back to my last two years worth of work, I notice a HUGE improvement in the quality of my art.  I still have a long way to go, but I’m enjoying the process of getting there.  Plus, I never get sick of looking for inspiration, especially when something as wonderful as the Internet exists.  The point is…it makes me happy.  I’ve finally learned to do things that make me happy.  When I need to do things that I don’t find so enjoyable, I try to find ways to make it more bearable for myself.

I may have many illnesses that make life troublesome, but my enthusiasm for life has grown (mind you, I think that is in large part to having medication that takes the edge off, as it’s hard to have enthusiasm for life when you are constantly in pain!).  In the process of making peace with being ill, I’ve learned to stop and hypothetically (as I’ve entirely lost my sense of smell…) smell the roses along the way.  The little things in life have become the big things.  Don’t get me wrong…I still mourn the loss of the major milestones in life that I am not getting to experience – but I don’t seem to have much of a choice in the matter in that regard.

Have you noticed that becoming ill has made you savor life’s little gifts more than you did when you were healthier?

xoxo,

Annie

OBSESSION ALERT!!!

This show is easily the most addictive thing that I’ve seen in AGES.  I love it.  It’s a scheming, lying, bloody mess of a medieval fantasy war show, and I think everyone should watch it.  I mean anyone who is excessively squeamish might have a bit of a problem, but generally the show transcends the violence.  The characters are so fleshed out that one feels like they are no longer watching television, but have been whisked off into another world!

I don’t even know what else to say about it, other than if you haven’t gotten around to watching this show – you should get on it!

xoxo,

Annie

I wonder if I will *EVER* feel as though I’m being useful to society.  I sometimes worry why I place this ideal so incredibly high on my self-worth scale.  I have been brought up for the last 26 years believing that my ultimate goal would be to get a job that was fulfilling to both myself and other people, but as I grow older, I realize that self-worth does not stem from that in the slightest.

I’m honestly never bored.  Ever.  I can’t even imagine the idea anymore.  I always have something on the go, whether it’s working in my art journal, trying to write this blog and/or novel, reading, coming up with ideas, etc…  I rarely have a minute go by in any waking moment that I’m not attempting to do something, even if it happens to be things that won’t necessarily lead me to any kind of paying position.  It helps that most of the things I list above are things that I can participate in from the comfort of my bed, as all those who suffer from chronic illnesses know is a central operating location.  If I can’t enjoy my favorite things, it means that I’m lost in a brain fog and that state of mind doesn’t really comprehend boredom either.

You’d think I would be happy in this state of affairs, and I am compared to the last ten years worth of hell.  This is the first year of my life that I’ve seen some improvement, as opposed to just continuing to fall down the rabbit hole.  I work every day at loving myself, limitations included.  I know that I have a learning curve ahead of me while I try to figure out my place in the world.  I realize that this will take time, but time is a frustrating thing in a ‘now’ based society.

How do you look upon productivity alongside chronic illness?  Do you ever struggle with the feeling that you’re not ‘contributing’ enough?  I’d love to know!

xoxo,

Annie

• Painkillers are not easy on the belly.  I’m swollen and uncomfortable.  Bah.
• I can’t afford an air conditioner (as the normal kind that fits in windows isn’t an option with my window…), and the heat makes me super sick.  I’ll be okay for a little while, but I figure if it is this hot already, the summer will probably be pretty brutal!
• I wish I could buy my mother something super special for every mother’s day, but sadly my income support does not help support that cause!  *wheels spinning in head*
• I wish I was healthy enough to travel around like my sister does…
• I have killer writer’s block, and even though I’m searching around for brilliant ideas, I don’t feel very inspired these days.
• Not being able to eat most of the things that my family BBQ’s is a bummer.  Stupid gastroparesis.
• Sometimes I think I’m lonely.  Sometimes I think I don’t want people around.  I don’t know what to do…what to do… It’s tough when social interaction is difficult.
• My life is going to be very unproductive for the next couple weeks as I need to watch every episode of Game of Thrones, as I’m massively addicted [this is not necessarily a bad thing haha]

This may be why my friends live in the computer…

I am indeed closer, and it’s intimidating as I don’t know what to do with myself…

I don’t mind getting older in the slightest…it was something I never thought would happen to me.

(Images from WeHeartIt)

How are all of my beloved readers doing on this fine Monday?  Feel free to throw your gripes in with mine – I promise that I read every comment and I will get back to every one of them even if I’m a little slow…  Hope that you are all as well as possible!

xoxo,

Annie