Verbal Release Therapy

Verbal Release Therapy

I’m not going to lie, I’ve been struggling a lot lately (mentally more than physically). Even something as simple as writing a blog post feels like climbing Everest, which is why I haven’t been posting as regularly.  I keep thinking that there must be a way that I can think myself out of this situation.  That I must just be weak, and everyone else is just smarter than I am.  I worry so much about productivity, and then I wonder if maybe I’m a lazy asshole and don’t even know it.  My mom says that can’t be the truth or I wouldn’t care at all about making my to-do lists and trying to accomplish…something…anything.

I don’t dwell on this all of the time, it just sneak attacks me when I’m trying to exist in the moment, especially during the killer bout of fatigue that I get in the afternoon.  I recognize that I’ve comes leaps and bounds in some ways from where I was, but I also seem to have slowed down in a lot of ways.

One moment at a time, one foot in front of the other.  I know that has to be the secret to not letting these thoughts bring me down.  I just wish I could turn them off.

What are the hardest thoughts that you deal with in regards to your illnesses?



4 Responses »

  1. Pet you are in now way weak you bare your soul to us all and show your weaknesses that is a sure sign of strength, to ignore them and deny them is a true weakness. Your mum is absolutely right about your to do lists being a sign of motivation and forward thinking though it may feel like you are stuck on a hamster wheel you are not. You recognise how far you have come too; I see living with chronic illness like steps, you are always on the way up but there are plateaux (s??) along the way, some steps are wider and longer, others are higher (so you feel you are on an up) just acknowledge you have come to the plateau for now and you will be on the way up again soon, so take the time to rest and recoup and do your best to remain positive to banish those worries and sneaky thoughts that try to make you feel you are less than you are. Remember you’re a star, a shining light for all of us not brave enough to share. Stay strong pet. Siobhán

  2. To answer your question, what I struggle most with is being able to trust my own thoughts. Which, most of the times it seems I cannot. So making decisions in my life, which should be a good event to keep me moving forward, becomes a problem.

    Frequent physical fatigue messes with my brain/body chemistry and I find I am unable to process thoughts logically or with the clarity that is there when I am feeling healthy. “I just can’t think straight”. And of course it all triggers into depression at times.

    So for me struggling with an unseen physical illness means struggling with clear thought. I wonder if you think this is a part of your own experience too?

  3. Could really identify with this post, Annie. I basically struggle most mentally with the same thoughts as you. I beat myself up easily for not accomplishing much since I used to be such a perfectionist and super motivated. I feel like now I make all these lists and barely ever get to cross anything off of them! And like you, I wonder if it’s just me and I’m not actually as tired as I feel, but I’m lazy. I know that’s not true, but some days I wonder, you know.


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