I’m not going to lie, I’ve been struggling a lot lately (mentally more than physically). Even something as simple as writing a blog post feels like climbing Everest, which is why I haven’t been posting as regularly. I keep thinking that there must be a way that I can think myself out of this situation. That I must just be weak, and everyone else is just smarter than I am. I worry so much about productivity, and then I wonder if maybe I’m a lazy asshole and don’t even know it. My mom says that can’t be the truth or I wouldn’t care at all about making my to-do lists and trying to accomplish…something…anything.
I don’t dwell on this all of the time, it just sneak attacks me when I’m trying to exist in the moment, especially during the killer bout of fatigue that I get in the afternoon. I recognize that I’ve comes leaps and bounds in some ways from where I was, but I also seem to have slowed down in a lot of ways.
One moment at a time, one foot in front of the other. I know that has to be the secret to not letting these thoughts bring me down. I just wish I could turn them off.
What are the hardest thoughts that you deal with in regards to your illnesses?