Last night I had to have a crying meltdown about something that I’ve been holding in for much too long.
Damage has occurred to all five of my senses now, and it just seems to be getting worse and worse. Initially, there was just the entire loss of my sense of smell (and with it went most of taste as well…). I hated losing smell, as it was one of my favorite senses, but it seemed like it could always be worse. Of course, that seems to taunt the world into making things worse.
As time passes, my noise sensitivity makes it increasingly impossible to live in the world. I’m mostly hidden in my bedroom, trying to avoid the everyday noises of life – forks and knives on plates, the sound of the television, someone’s radio, children screaming…it all has become intolerable. Sometimes I can manage to deal with it for a little bit and sometimes I just run away from the pain that it causes. Earplugs help, but after wearing them for an hour or so, I get a massive headache from the pressure that they put on my ears. I’m looking into buying noise-cancelling headphones as well, but nothing helps the problem fundamentally. I have no idea why the nerve damage is getting worse, and that is what unnerves me.
My eyes are in pain much of the time, to the point where I can’t stand the light of the computer, and I most definitely can’t wear my glasses for more than a two hour time period. As a result, I spend all my time blind as a bat, unable to see anything more than a foot away. I’ve been to the eye doctor and they can’t find a single reason for why this is happening.
And touch. Touch is one of the worst. The immense muscular and trigger point pain of Fibromyalgia and Myofascial Pain Syndrome, AND the allodynia, AND the nerve pain that I seemingly get from Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, are enough to make me not want to be touched by anyone or anything. It hurts immensely to take a shower and have the droplets of water pelt into my body. Sometimes the sheets on my bed are excruciating when they touch my skin. Clearly, I do not have any kind of physical relationships!
And I’m clearly kicking my own ass pretty good. I’m tired of falling apart. I’m sure those of you with these illnesses that read the blog are exhausted of it too. Just when you seem to get ahead of one problem, another develops to kick you in the face. Do any of you have this problem to this extent? I would LOVE to get some advice as to how you cope with your everyday life, because I haven’t been doing marvelous with it lately.