- I’ve been so anxious and irritable as of the last few days. I feel like I’m going to snap at people constantly. I hate that feeling. I have a feeling that my switch in birth control is doing some nasty hormonal things in my brain.
- The feeling of my reproductive clock ticking, while knowing that bringing a baby into the world when I have so many health problems and can barely keep myself together is incredibly irresponsible. This is why I will have cats.
- I need to snap out of this depression cycle and get inspired again. I was doing really well for so many months and all of a sudden I’m back in the hole again. Plus, I miss my ex, but I need to push that out of my head. I’m even having a hard time thinking about seeing my psychologist this week…never know what is going to fall out of my head.
- TWO MONTHS OF NIGHTMARES. Like come on, give a girl a break!
- My tiny attention span. Teensy. Miniature. Microscopic.
- Trying to find information on ketamine infusions…seriously, there isn’t that much out there. A part of me just wants to do it and get it over with and see if it helps, but my parents are more wary than I am. My three questions are: 1) Can I go back on the narcotics if it fails? I need to get my family doc to sign off on that… 2) Can I get internet for the lengthy period of time I have to spend in the hospital? It’s not an easy thing to get around here and if I’m in there for more than a week, I will be bored silly or have to read 45 books. Maybe they’ll just keep me in a coma for most of it… and 3) Do I know for sure that I won’t fail at breathing and have to use a ventilator? I’ve read some comments of this happening online, and that doesn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
I think I need to go there! Haha…
Damn physical and mental illnesses…
Seriously, I’ve been hearing this for most of my life now, and although they’ve now found more than my fair share of illnesses, I still get it (as seen by my last doctor’s visit…). If I didn’t need medical treatment, I think I might scream at some people! Sadly, I have to behave, or I’ll get the equivalent of ‘blacklisted’!
Otherwise, I’m ready to get this week started and hopefully try to make it better than my messy last week! Whether or not this will happen remains to be seen, but if I don’t at least try to be positive, nothing good is going to come my way. Is there anything that you need to get off of your chest to start fresh this week? Do you have any advice for me and my silly problems? I’d love to hear from you!
Have a lovely Monday everyone!
xoxo,
Annie
Sorry you are going through such a rough time – all the physical ailments are bad enough to manage without the emotional illnesses, too. My closest friend has MS and has also been struggling with severe anxiety and depression, so I have some idea of how difficult it must be.
As for me, all 4 of us in our family have caught the same nasty cold, and it has really knocked me out. I just want to crawl into bed with those 45 books you mentioned and take care of myself, but that is impossible with a family. Had to haul myself out and do what had to be done today. Tomorrow looks to be another full day…sigh…
Hope things improve for you this week!
Sue
Live with CFS
Can I add another?? People who make you feel guilty and totally don’t get how sick you are! My mother just called asking why I hadn’t called this week. When I tried to explain how sick I’ve been, it was obvious she didn’t get it…just wanted to make me feel bad. Sometimes she tries to understand but much of the time she just doesn’t get how completely debilitated I am. Now I feel even worse…
Sue
I know how you feel about trying a new medicine. I am always afraid I will get ALL the terrible side effects and wake up dead. I’m sad that you are still sad because of your ex. Sucks big time. I’m sure they will have internet available in the hospital….hopefully.
mo
Oh Sue, I’m so sorry that things are going so hard for you lately too! It’s not fair when people can’t see just how ill we are. It must be so hard to cope while caring for a family at the same time.
Mo, I know how you feel. I’ve always been prone to bad reactions to medication, and ending up dead in an experiment isn’t exactly the way I want to go. Hope you’re doing okay love!
I hate the ‘it’s in your head / you’re imagining it’ from doctors! How can you imagine pain? How can you imagine that you can’t stop sleeping or whatever problem it is you may be facing. I had this so many times before I was taking seriously by doctors and I don’t appreciate it. (A friend of mine was even told she was imagining that she had a lump which later turned out to be cancer, WHAT THE ACTUAL..) ridiculous. Anyway I hope you start to feel a bit better soon even if its just a tiny bit.
xx Hayley-Eszti
http://www.hayleyeszti.blogspot.com