There is only one place in the entire world where I feel comfortable, and that is in my home, surrounded by my things. It might sound not remotely flexible, and it is. As someone on the autistic spectrum, there is very little that makes me want to leave my house. Usually, I do it to be polite, or if I’m lucky enough to have someone in my life to see who makes me feel okay about myself and less lonely. Generally though, I’m just as happy alone, with my computer, my books/magazines, my bed/blankies/pillows, and my cat.
I don’t do well with any kind of change. When my relationship ended and I had to move out of my home and back to my parent’s house, I was devastated for multiple reasons (the loss of love, the loss of safety and comfort, the loss of being somewhat understood…). I had to take all the things that I had collected for the house (I left some furniture as I had no room for it), and pack it all in to my tiny childhood bedroom. For awhile it seemed extremely cramped, so my mom decided we should move my desk into my sister’s room, as she spends most of her time away in med school. The moment she moved that desk, I had a massive meltdown. I could not handle the removal of my safety net (all my things piled around me), so quickly after having moved the last time. In time, I’ve grown accustomed to having a few things in her room, but ideally, I don’t like them not being with me.
I’m always trying to add things to my room to make it more comfortable and have it feel more like “me”. Sadly, I’m just learning who I am at this stage, having only been diagnosed with Asperger’s last year. The diagnosis is shockingly accurate after years of having all sorts of mental illness titles that never quite fit. I’m just trying to read as much as I can and comfort myself until I can figure out where to go from here.
Until then, I’m going to continue daydreaming on how I can make this tiny space into the perfect space. I was going to throw some pictures up here but they are all sideways and I can’t figure out how to turn them around in WordPress! I need to work on my skills!
What is your favorite soothing part of your bedroom? Let me know and I’ll see if I can work it into my own!