I had an appointment with my beloved psychologist yesterday. I am so lucky to have gotten a psychologist who seems to be on my wavelength, and can fill in the blanks with the things that I can’t even figure out how to say myself. She’s been an absolute gift, and has more-or-less saved my life in the past couple of years that she has been counseling me.
According to her, people will never be able to easily understand the diagnosis of Asperger’s syndrome in me, as I present myself to the outside world as a social creature. By being well dressed, I look like someone who has no problem interacting with people, and them with me. However, what they don’t understand is that I do not get dressed to be social at all. My main obsessions are color, pattern, and texture, and they most frequently are easily obtained in the clothing format. I dress myself this way because it makes me more comfortable to see certain colors and patterns together, and I am very distressed if I don’t have time in the morning and have to be shuffled out of the house without going through my morning dressing rituals. Uncomfortable fabrics literally have the ability to make me run in fear of them, while other fabrics comfort me more than anything else in the world. I have an obsession with certain types of blankets as a result, and tote them around the house as my safety net. My room is overflowing with my magazine collection, as it allows me to block out the world and dream about beautiful things put together in beautiful ways. I am obsessed with art, whether it be in the form of words dancing in my head like music, a painting with textured brush strokes, or a kaleidoscope’s endless possibilities.
Alas, I am struggling greatly with every other part of my life. The paper work was done up by my psychologist and my mom yesterday for the disability tax credit, and she is crafting another letter to go to my disability case worker (in case I need help in forms other than money in the future).
It’s been a tough, emotional evening as a result of some family drama this evening, so I’m going to make this short and sweet (as every time I bawl my eyes out I end up needing substantial recovery time…), but hopefully it makes some sense to someone.
A color wheel and the moods that they can evoke!