I’m feeling rather useless.
I don’t like seeing problems in my family, especially when I can’t seem to do anything to help. I’m being shut out, and don’t even feel like I have the freedom of speech in my own home (although I’m not sure if it will ever feel like MY home…). I want to feel connected to people, and my family isn’t especially open and/or huggy/feely. I miss my ex for those reasons, as we had similar emotional needs, and I used to get excellent hugs. It’s been awhile since I felt fully understood. It’s making me kind of miserable.
We took off to the beach because we all needed a distraction, which was probably a good idea, despite draining all of my energy. I took a short walk in the water, and lingered for awhile staring out at the ocean. It was a beautiful day, and helped clear my mind of some of the negative thoughts that have been haunting it. Sadly, when one returns home, everything sort of falls apart again.
I am so looking forward to spending a day in bed tomorrow with Mr. Marms and some funny television. I’m lucky that I have the best kitty in the whole wide world! My family is pretty awesome too, we’re just struggling a bit!
I’m sure everything will look up some day.
It would probably be nice not to feel every emotion of every person that is important to me. It’s so draining when you care so much that it hurts. I’m not sure I will ever manage to separate it all in my mind.
I guess you can only help people when they want your help. Who knows really? My poor brain is twisted into a pretzel, and I don’t think I’m the only one in this house feeling that way.