• Having to be alone again after so long.  It just shatters my insides.  I never wanted this to happen, but you can’t always get what you want.  My kitty lost his daddy and his home too, and I feel really bad for him.
• Depression…I thought I was in a bad state on Friday, now I am just a wreck.  I picked up things from my (well not mine any longer…) house, and then I got sufficiently told about how horrible I am (drama I don’t need), and now I am just crushed.
• Dairy is no longer being my friend. I’m going to have to cut it out and my possible food options are smaller than ever.  Awesome.  Holy belly pain!
• If anyone reads this and lives in Summerside, please be my friend?  I could really use one.  I don’t even know who all is still here.
• Crying so much that my body decided it wanted to create a fibro flare.
• I don’t want to be blogging this experience, as for some reason that will mean it’s true, but I don’t want to stop because if I ever needed this, it’s now.  Plus, I’ve put so much effort and heart into this blog, it would be a shame to drop it just because I’m depressed and circumstances are the hardest they’ve ever been.  I hope I can still be accepted for it.
• Losing trust.  I wasn’t one who could easily trust in general, and now that feeling has multiplied monumentally.

So yeah, that was some sadness…

Let’s lighten it up a little with some pictures:

This cat is sooooooooo adorable.  WANT.  I should make such cat pictures with Marms, he knows how to give a dirty look!

I just finished Australia’s Next Top Model Cycle 7, and the beautiful Montana Cox won, who has been the most successful of any winner in any of the international series.

We’ll say this is my mantra right now…

So what’s bugging you this week?  Any words of widsom for me?

xoxo,

Annie

• Smoothies.  I’ve been living off of them.  Seriously good, but it would be nice to be able to shake it up a bit, so if anyone has any good recipes, let me know!!
• Listening to Mr. Marms play with his new toy/playing with him with it!  It’s got a mouse on a string and he goes crazy for it!
• Finding funny things on the Internet.  Seriously, I’ve been so down this week, that I’m surviving off of anything that can bring a smile to my face.  If anyone has any great websites, please tell me in the comments – I’ll love you forever!
• Shopping online – I should seriously be a buyer for a cool store, because I could shop until the cows come home (yes, I know, weird saying…).
• Same with coloring – there should be jobs for people who can do kick-ass coloring!
• Basically, someone needs to supply me with a job at home doing what I like, and then I would love that very much!
• Sour candies dipped in chocolate!
• Pineapplesssssssss.

Now I’m going to be staying at my mom’s place until Monday as people are worried about me.  I don’t want to alienate anyone, so I shall do it.

I need sleep.

Jason Wu’s kitty illustration

The pretty girls of television in Vanity Fair

What are you all grateful for this week?

xoxo,

Annie

You’ll never see it coming…

A terribly honest look at Fibromyalgia as an illness, and the inability to know when it’s going to flare…

Voila, a tagline.

Alas, that did not fully amuse me so I’m going to add pictures:

Everything should be as adorable as this horse with this cat.

Cats rule. Seriously guys, I needz to getz a kitten.

I wish I was watching Iron Chef right now.  I mean if I’m not able to eat food, surely I can watch it right?  If only I still had the channel… It always cracks me up the way that guy enjoys that yellow pepper!

This post is lackluster, but my brain and body are in similar states so it will have to do.

Hope you are all well!

xoxo,

Annie

She was out meditating in the backyard, with the sun beating down on her and the wind tousling her long auburn hair.  All thoughts were removed from her mind by the power of nature, and were replaced with only the sound of birds chirping in song.  As a result, she felt alive for the first time in a very long time.  For this, she was grateful.

(Images from WeHeartIt)

We need to hold on to those few moments of bliss to keep us going.

xoxo,

Annie

When I first read this challenge, I was completely stumped.  I had no idea what kind of mascot I would come up with, as the concept seemed kind of silly, but I was compelled in the branding possibilities of a logo.

I would love to have had the time to draw a logo myself and display it here (who knows, maybe I will in the future!!), but  the time in between waking up and having to finish this blog challenge does not allow me that freedom.

While I was worrying that I wouldn’t be able to come up with anything at all, I looked to the name of my website.  Fragile Annie.  I was basically comparing myself to an easily broken doll.  Having all of these illnesses is basically like watching all of your pieces fall apart over time, as sad a picture as that paints.  However, just because our pieces are a little off, doesn’t mean we can’t still have a presence and an importance.  Broken dolls are loved all over the world!  Just because we aren’t in mint condition, doesn’t mean we aren’t special .

I found this lovely illustration by Amanda Cass:

We’re still move-able (ish), and we’re still beautiful, despite the fact that things are a little twisted in our bodies.

This would be the inspiration for the type of logo or mascot I would want to come up with for this blog.

Do you like this idea?

xoxo,

Annie

• My ability to digest food has gone away thanks to a failure in my gastroparesis meds. Blech.
• Poor kitty is as pukey as him mommy…
• My nail art manicure is moderately pathetic…I think I’ll stick to using the Sally Hansen sticker ones!
• I was feeling very lonely, but last night I got to chat with my beloved Shruti!  That is one thing that most definitely does not bug me haha!  I need to save up enough money to either go visit her or have her come visit me!
• Trying to come up with decent things in liquid form that have enough calories and taste decent…if anyone has any good websites – let me know!
• I failed at keeping up with the WEGO health challenge on the weekend, but the weekend was challenging for my health, so that will just have to be that.
• Mr. Kitty has made it his life goal to try to keep us awake to play half of the night!  It’s adorable, but less so at 4 a.m.
• Losing weight suddenly in the way that I didn’t want to lose weight is making me wonder if my new clothes will still fit in a week’s time!
• So many great shows to watch, so much of feeling like I’m wasting my life!
• The amount of negativity that is floating around on twitter lately.  I need to go through and recheck who all I’m following :/

It sure seems to try anyway, haha

Haha, Jon says this to me all of the time!  Love Phil on Modern Family!

I wonder this often!

What is getting you down, grinding your gears, or making you kerfuffled today?  I promise you’ll feel better if you get it out of your brain!

xoxo,

Annie

• Watching television to distract my from my current sadness of having my gastroparesis flare up again.
• Spending time with my momma, who is letting me rest while she cleans, which is super nice (although I feel really bad about it!).
• That Jon and I are getting along splendidly again and that he made me tea while I was in bed sick last night.
• Project Runway Canada is keeping my mind off of things which are stressing me out.
• My bed for being my little cocoon and protection from the world.
• Decent clothing and makeup, which makes me look the part of a human, even if I don’t feel it.
• Daydreaming.
• Naps.
• Adorable pictures provided by Internet-land .
• Marmsy, Marmsy, Smarmsy (my cat)!
• Laying on the couch watching movies with my Dad!

DEDICATED TO ALL OF YOU!! (unknown source…)

I will forever love cat pictures!

My brain is functioning at -60% right now…

I didn’t manage to do the health challenge today, but I couldn’t go writing about a pretend cure when I’m struggling with the failure of my gastroparesis meds.  My heart just isn’t in it.

What are you all grateful for this week?

xoxo,

Annie

So my challenge today is to come up with five people that I would love to have at a dinner party.  Time to put my thinking cap on…

Five seems like such a small number when it comes to people I’d love to meet!!

Okay, my choices would be:

1) Zooey Deschanel: She’s funny, quirky and cute, and I think her crafty ways could bring a lot to the dinner table.  Plus she could sing for us all after dinner!  She knows the best of the best in the industry and maybe could introduce me to some people and get me a job (IN MY DREAMS!).

2) Shel Silverstein: He may be dead now, but he wrote my fave children’s poetry in the whole world.  I think he would be a lovely dinner guest, and maybe I could get him to do a cute illustration of us all at the table!

3) Karlie Kloss: I have a giant girl crush on her!  She gets to wear the most beautiful clothing and walk for the most major runways in the world.  Plus, from every interview I’ve seen, she’s super smart, kooky, and funny!

4) Neil Patrick Harris: I’m pretty sure he would be the best dinner guest ever, as he’s hilarious, and even knows magic tricks (which would HAVE to be busted out!!).  I think he would vibe well with the rest of the group!

5) Mindy Kaling: After reading her book – Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) – I determined that we are cut from the same crazy mental cloth.  I would totally love to hang out with her, so I could try to convince her to write more books!

Now I could have made this dinner party more serious, but lately I think I need to inject some more fun into my life!  Of course Jon and Sarah would be there to mingle with these people as well, as they are my family .  I could have invited an amazing doctor and quizzed him about my illnesses, but that would bore everyone to death!

I love this list – I want to make them all my friends!!

xoxo,

Annie

“The room seems to be spinning in slow, lopsided circles, and I wonder if I might black out.  I lean forward and clutch the desk with one hand.  The other still holds Peeta’s beautiful cookie.  I think it had a tiger lily on it, but now it’s been reduced to crumbs by my fist.  I didn’t even know I was crushing it, but I guess I had to hold on to something while my world veered out of control.” – Catching Fire, Suzanne Collins

This is the book I’m reading currently, so I thought I’d pull a passage out of there for this challenge.  I think it accurately sums up the feeling of spinning out of control, something that I have felt as a result of my illnesses on many occasions.  I haven’t crumbled a cookie up in my hands, but that would be a little too literal!

My current strategy for not getting caught up in my thoughts and spinning out of control comes courtesy of my boyfriend, who said that I was trying too hard to make myself happy.  Happiness is something that I have had to consciously work at for years, but when I get too caught up in it, I find myself giving myself panic attacks.  For the past few days I have just tried to fill the hours in ways that can distract me and just take every day as it comes.  I found it surprisingly enlightening, as it felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders as soon as I stopped putting in as much effort.  I do what I can do, and the rest I leave up to time.

Hopefully I will someday manage to get a a job with my writing, or something else I love, and then I can contribute to my family, but until then, I will just try to keep my head high and do what I need to do to survive.  Life is hard, and I don’t need to be putting extra pressure on myself to get by, as time will pass whether I want it to or not.

Does anyone else feel this way?

xoxo,

Annie

A lesson I learned the hard way was to put my feelings first before everyone else’s.

I’ve been a bit of a pushover my entire life, always wanting to please everyone, and always aiming to be good at everything.  I was 100% perfectionist.  It wasn’t until I was in my second year of University that I realized I wasn’t always going to be succeed, and then my world came crashing down.  After becoming mentally unwell, my physical wellness deteriorated even more rapidly than it had before.

I was not in a good place until I learned that my feelings were important.  I had to start saying no to the things that made me supremely uncomfortable, even though there was societal pressure on me.  There are still some people that are incredibly important to me, for whom I would bend over backwards, but generally, I have managed to take my thoughts into account before making any serious actions.

I now have so much free time as a result of being stuck at home with my illness, and it has allowed me to focus on finding the things that I love: writing, health activism, art, and fashion.  Before two years ago, I wouldn’t have even been able to tell you what I liked, because all I knew were the things I could do well.  Little did I know, putting so much pressure on myself to perform at things I didn’t even remotely care about was detrimental to my health.

Now I try to keep myself comfortable and surround myself with things and people that I love.  I can’t say that my life has improved drastically in terms of health, but it certainly has in terms of mental stability.  It is a lesson that took a long time to learn, but will make my life more meaningful as a result.

What have you learned the hard way??

xoxo,

Annie