The results of my psychological testing are in. Sort of. Basically, I scored SO HIGH above in-patient (let alone regular people) test scores in terms of distress, depression, paranoia, anxiety, etc., etc… that my psychologist could not determine results from it. I hit the top of the charts, where the (maybe) 1% lands. Like out in the universe instead of anywhere on Earth.
My Asperger’s test ended up the same way, where I scored three times higher than what I would need to be diagnosed on the autism spectrum. It can’t be diagnosed as a definitive in reference to the other test though, because of the fact that my physical and mental health afflictions are all piling over onto each other.
Basically, I’m at the point where I’m just supposed to attempt to not kill myself from my sheer level of distress.
Which is accurate, but devastating to hear, as I was hoping that some kind of diagnosis could have come out of the process. The sad thing is that I thought the answers I was giving were not that far out. Shows what I know about normal haha.
My psychologist says it fits perfectly with the sessions we’ve been having, as she’s usually working crisis mode. She’s going to place a call to my psychiatrist to make sure that he starts doing less harm, and encourage him to attempt to lower my levels of distress (likely through different medication…). Hopefully I will start seeing my psychologist about once every 2 weeks in the hope of reducing my level of stress to somewhere near (at-least) the in-patient level (whether that will take 10 years or not, I have no idea).
I expected the results to be high, as I’m an emotional disaster, but I sure didn’t expect them to be THAT high. My psychologist describes me as a raw emotional ball that can’t bounce. Spectacular.
Either way, I am extremely unwell both mentally and physically, despite the fact that I have made improvements. It’s hard to even imagine where I was before if I’m this disturbed now. I just wish I had some idea why I am like this. It’s an uphill battle for sure.
Extra special hugs to all my mental health and physically ill friends. We’re all in this together <3.