• Tumblr.  I swear, there is no other way I could get through these endlessly long nights of not sleeping.
• Watermelon.  Definitely my favorite summer treat!  (Minus hot fudge sundaes of course!)
• Strepsils.  I have a ton of cankers in my mouth since yesterday.  It usually signals virus for me, so woo.  But those little mouth numbers do an excellent job!
• Cats and dogs.  They are awesome.  I want to have a little animal family once I get out of this apartment!
• Floral and abstract prints for Spring!  I wish I could just magically have a wardrobe that could rotate through the fashion seasons.
• Hot showers.  I wish I could spend all of my time in a hot shower.
• Hats!  I am attempting to grow my hair out and it is in a VERY awkward stage.  Need to cover it up as much as possible.
• My boyfriend, for calming me down when I am as sick as I was last night.
• Things I wish for:

Pain is impossible for me to ignore.  It invades every aspect of my being: making me a cranky, miserable creature, lessening my ability to care for myself and my apartment, and causing me serious financial stress.


Despite this unpleasant fate, I have learned a few tips and tricks over my years that can help make life a little more enjoyable – even if I can’t remove the pain altogether.

• Denial is everyone’s WORST enemy.  For a long time, when my life felt like a constant flu, I would follow one of two paths: either push myself to fight through it (with 10-12 hour days), or wallow in my own self-pity.  Serious wallowing.  The kind where you sob into a wine bottle while lying on the floor wondering “WHY ME?!?,” with people having to come over and check that you are still alive.  I didn’t know it at the time, but these were two of the worst things that I could have been doing for my well-being. 

Life with chronic illness/pain is a challenging path, but there are lessons to be learned along the way.  It is as a result of many tough times that I have gone down the path on how to live as well as possible in one’s circumstances. 

• The Spoon Theory was one of the first chronic illness articles that made a huge impact in my life.  It taught me that one must create a life budget, the way one would with their finances.  You have a set amount of spoons at the beginning of the day, and you must be very careful where you use them.  The people who are stealing your spoons might as well be stealing 20′s right out of your pocket!

When you catch yourself thinking those self-sabotaging thoughts – stop them as soon as possible through distraction methods.  Attempt to get to a happy place, even if it is only a daydream.  We already have to deal with hurting all of the time.  There is no need to add to the misery.

xoxo,
Annie

It was a good week for movie watching around these parts!

Bandslam:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This was the worst of the four by far.  Bandslam is a cute movie for teenagers, but has too much schlock for the rest of us.  I mean her name is SA5M and the 5 is silent???  That’s just strange.  I really liked Lisa Kudrow though.  She plays overbearing mother in the best way possible.  I miss her as Phoebe in Friends.

Adam:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I LOVED this film.  Loved, loved, loved!  This is the best portrayal of a man with Asperger’s syndrome that I’ve seen in film.  Hugh Dancy doesn’t play the role over the top, he just is.  It also doesn’t have the traditional ending, which is special in and of itself.  This will definitely require a re-watch.

Dear John:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Before I watched this, I expected it to be bad.  Really bad.  However, my love of Amanda Seyfried won over, and I had to make a viewing.  To my surprise, I ended up enjoying it.  It is formulaic, but has a lot of heart.  It shouldn’t win any awards, but if you want to watch a love story in the middle of the afternoon – I recommend.

The Hours:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My favorite movie of the group.  I had watched it before, but it was due time for me to watch it again.  Some would call this movie depressing, but I just view it as a glimpse into some very sensitive, wonderful, and troubled women.  Perhaps I see myself in the film.  It always makes me remember just how much I need to read Mrs Dalloway.

Lovely blog readers!  Please tell me of the interesting things that you’ve been watching recently!!

xoxo,
Annie

I found this on Rachel Denbow’s amazing craft blog, Smile and Wave!

1. When do you feel happiest?

When I feel reasonably well, and when I am with family, sunshine, and a pen and paper!

2. How do you take care of yourself?

I eat well, try to sleep reasonably well, take vitamins, attempt to keep moving, and work on improving my outlook on life.

3. Are you internally (by yourself) or externally (by others) motivated?

I’m entirely internally driven.

4. What do you do for fun?

Writing, painting, organizing, going out for dinner, road trips, watching movies, and the like.

5. What intimidates you?

People who are extremely successful, large groups of people, and job interviews.

6. What is something you’re proud of?

Finishing my education, despite the fact that I didn’t really want it that much and had a difficult time as a result of my illnesses.

7. Finish this sentence. I never _____________ get things done without to-do lists.

8. Favorite vacation spot.

Dream or reality?  I like taking mini vacations on this pretty little island, but I would also love to take off to France any time the opportunity presented itself.

9. Today is a (rate from 1 – 10).

Today is a 5 due to it being the same as every other day of my recent memory.

10. Finish this sentence.  If you knew me really well you’d know_____________ I am an absolute control freak who is trying to re-program herself.

The pain echoes
in a way that the others can’t understand
creeping up on a victim
in this case myself
without sense
and others can’t help
we all have our demons
that walk by our sides
in the case of myself
the demon resides
rising up at whim
ruining my fun
my daily abilities
I’ve barely begun
the fight has been long
some answers are needed
come to me now
is all I have pleaded
~ Annie Martin (April ’10)


xoxo,
Annie

• I’m having difficulty eating again, as it seems that all of my medications have just up and stopped working .
• Having to face the feelings of disappointment that I can’t fix myself and no one else can seem to fix me for the millionth time.
• I wish I had enough money to buy a house.  Alas.
• Paperwork and bloodwork for doctor’s appointments.  I feel like it NEVER ends.
• My computer keeps overheating and I don’t really want to rush out and buy a new one … blargh.
• There was a blog carnival on ChronicBabe that I didn’t participate in, even though I was interested.  I just could not get myself inspired enough to write anything.
• Shrimp.  I used to like them.  Now I’m not in the fan club anymore.
• The fact that I am becoming the person that tells a story to the same person 3 times because I keep forgetting I’ve told it.  Grr…

This makes me laugh.  A lot.

xoxo,
Annie

the revolt of my body
the revolt of my mind
neither were issues
I was wanting to find


and now I’m alone
minus the bugs
and the pervasive emptiness
brought forth by drugs


I need to escape
I’m not sure how
but this room is stifling
and my head is too loud


by now I should know better
than to open my mouth
it’s easier to be silent
than deal with the trouble that comes out.
~ Annie Martin (’10)

xoxo,
Annie

To leave the edge of hysteria
and fall back on Earth
is a jolting ride indeed
the panic
has turned to calm
the thoughts
are being channeled
this little white room
of hatred
holds healing powers
whether I’d like to admit it
or not
unfortunately one never knows
how the real world will treat them
once they are free
from their hideaway land
no one knows the future
not even I
much to my dismay
~ Annie Martin (April ’10)


xoxo,
Annie

• Asparagus season!  It is my favorite vegetable by far.  I believe I’m going to fry up a bunch of it and throw some sunny-side eggs on top for breakfast!
• Pretty stationery for writing thank-you notes on
• Feeling a little bit better still!
• Trying to push myself out the door to go for a walk to mail a card.  This is foreign territory for me as I never leave just to take a walk all by myself anymore.  I’ll keep you updated!  Haha.
• Thai food with my family
• The ability to rent month-to-month now so we can take longer with our apartment hunt!
• Movies!
• Minimalist philosophy!
• Guest blogs – go check me out at http://www.anewkindofnormal.com/2010/04/please-welcome-our-guest-blogger-annie.html
• Pretty pictures!