Sometimes I hate the Internet.
I wrote a big update for this blog and when I went to post it decided to go on the fritz.
And therefore my post has disappeared.
I need to learn to back things up.
Well, it has been a few days since I last updated this adorably not-followed blog .
I’ve started my OJT at the Canada Games! It’s actually a really nice spot. I have a computer, an email address, and the people are young, fun, and dynamic. I don’t mind being an admin assistant actually, as I could quite literally spend all my time with the computer and boring, repetitive tasks are right up my alley for a few hours a day. Plus, I get unlimited coffee! And who doesn’t like coffee?!?
I’m still rocking the virtually no pharmaceuticals, and trying a mostly natural supplement based approach.
All B Vitamins
A Natural Sleep Aid Mixture
and that might be it…
It isn’t going perfectly, but my brain is significantly clearer. I actually feel like I might be able to accomplish something in the near future
After work I did some photoshopping goodness and now I’m taking in some episodes of Weeds.
The boyfriend is having a really hard time at work and it is making me rather despondent as I have no idea what to do to help. Brainstorming for tomorrow I suppose.
Two more days until the Weekend!
It’s a bitch.
I’ve had like 7 hours of sleep collectively so far this week.
It’s ridiculous and I hate it.
That is all I have for now.
Sometimes the state of my health terrifies me. I think about death constantly and wonder if that is where I’m headed. For awhile, I thought it would be a joyous relief. These days, I have someone in my life (other than my immediate family) that I want to keep living for, as the thought of hurting them breaks my heart.
I’m not terribly religious, and as a result, the thought of death seems rather finite to me. The thought of myself rotting away in the ground is not one I find particularly appealing. Especially not at the ripe ol’ age of 22.
Over the past few weeks I have been back to my insomnia days, sleeping maybe 4 hours a night on a good night. I constantly feel like I’m dragging my ass, plus my nausea goes through the roof when I’m sleep deprived. The weider part is that even when I get sleep over the past year, I’m noticing terrifying fatigue symptoms. I often feel trapped within my own body when it gets to tired to function – sometimes getting up to go to the bathroom is a near impossible task. I was in Sobeys last night with my boyfriend and I nearly fell down on a million occasions as I was too tired to stand or think. Unfortunately, when I try to sleep while in this state, my mind is too active to ever let me fall asleep. When my mind is tired, I suffer restless leg syndrome. Perhaps I’ve managed to brainwash myself that it is absolutely impossible to win, who knows.
My headaches/migraines are back with a vengeance – just in time for CTV news to be reporting about more liver toxicity deaths as a result of tylenol overindulgence (something I am guilty of on a regular basis…).
I wish I had any answers.
It looks like my OJT has again fallen through, so I might be able to line something up to work in the hospital part time as an Administrative Assistant. I hope I’ll be able to get through it.
Not that anyone really frequents this blog, but if anyone does and has advice: How do you deal with thoughts of death when they are something so prominent in your life?