Love Me Fridays

Love Me Fridays
  • Making new friends on twitter!
  • The fact that I no longer am suffering any ill effects from the most brutal gastroenteritis that I’ve ever had (which has kept me down since last weekend)!
  • The Olympics are making me desperately wish to be healthy and go participate in sports!  It’s fun to watch them and I’ve definitely been having a lot of Canadian pride with our recent rush of gold medal wins!
  • Looking at pictures of cute animals and playing catch the mouse with my Marmie (we have a toy mouse hooked on the end of a fishing rod and we cast it up and down the stairs).
  • Choosing from the nail polishes sent by the wonderful Mei-Lu <3.  She spoils me too much!
  • Playing rummy and listening to Jim Morrison with my Sarah!  So much fun :)
  • My mom and I built a snowman together last night and I decorated him!  It was the first time I’ve been outside this winter for a fun purpose!
  • The movie Frozen, which is just too good…
  • ALL OF THE FASHION WEEKS AND MARCH MAGAZINE ISSUES!
  • Filling out journals, forever and always <3

 

What have been the little delights of your week (or weeks, as it has been awhile since I’ve posted one of these)?  I’d love to see some of your sunshine :)

xoxo,

Annie

Holding On To Things That Make Me Feel Alive

Holding On To Things That Make Me Feel Alive

It has taken me a lot of therapy, but now my coping mechanisms relate highly to this:

(Image from WeHeartIt)

Some of the things that make me feel alive are:

  • My cat
  • Art
  • Writing
  • Books
  • Magazines
  • Beautiful places and spaces (basically anything that I find beautiful in any way…)
  • Journals
  • Nature in all forms
  • My family

And that’s about it…

Most of the time I’m too tired/brainfogged to be able to feel alive from any of these things, but when I have a moment of clarity, they bring me great comfort.  I wish I could say that I could hold on to that feeling of being alive more often, but sadly it often slips away.  I’m constantly grabbing at these things to keep me distracted from the rest of my existence, and the trauma that it brings me.

Maybe someday I will be strong enough to hold on entirely.  I doubt it, but it’s a nice thought to have.

What do you hold on to when you need to make life seem worthwhile?

xoxo,

Annie

Hormone Replacement Advice?

Hormone Replacement Advice?

I’m a terrible blogger lately, I know.

I can’t figure out if I’m going to renew the URL come summer or not.  I like having a place to express my thoughts about health, but after five years of it, I felt that it was getting to be too repetitive.  A break was very necessary, and I’m glad that I took one, even though I’ve probably alienated a few readers in the process.

I’ve been thinking of attempting to compile the best posts into an ebook – I’d prefer an actual printed book, but an ebook seems like a less lofty goal right now.  That maybe what this all turns into, who knows right?

As I sit here typing this, I’m being assaulted by mega endometriosis pain. I see the endocrinologist on Monday to decide what my other options are, as this hormonal treatment, while seriously effective while I’m on it, really is not working in the off periods.  I’m not even sure if there is a solution that is going to work for me.  It worries me, as the only two options I know of are Lupron and/or a hysterectomy (in terms of hormone stability, not so much endometriosis), and both of these options are just FULL of nasty side effects.

I’m not looking forward to any of it, that is for sure, but my pain, anxiety, acne, mood swings, hot flashes, and lactation problems are all back in full force.

Have any of you gone down the road of hormone replacements?  Do you have any advice?

xoxo,

Annie

 

Love Me Fridays

Love Me Fridays
  • MY MOM!  She made me feel better last night by telling me that maybe all this fatigue of the past year has been my body/brain trying to heal itself.  It is a comforting thought, so perhaps I will stop being so hard on myself for it.  She always manages to take the edge off of things in my mind.  My mom is a goddess.
  • My magazines that allow me to imagine that I partake in a more glamorous/stylish world.  However, I do need to get on throwing some of them out, as they are taking over my space!
  • Marmie is the best cat in the world.  Yes, I am biased.
  • American Hustle was a great movie and the fashion was even better!  I will definitely be re-watching it!
  • I get to have a chat with Mei-Lu soon! :)
  • That the holidays are over and everyone is back in their routines… I thoroughly enjoyed the family gatherings, but it is nice to get back into a quiet and familiar groove.

When I take time to look at it closely, things are decent.  They could be much, much better, but they could also be much, much worse.  So I’m going to let myself indulge in a new book and hope that my back and head stop hurting soon!

(Image from WeHeartIt)

What were the perks of your week?  I’d love to live vicariously through you!

xoxo,

Annie

I Want My Pills Back!!!

I Want My Pills Back!!!

As many of you know, I have Endometriosis and Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (on top of everything else! Fun!).

I’m allowed to take my Demulen 30 (for the Endo) and Cyproterone (Anti-androgens for my PMDD and Acne) for three months in a row, and then I have to stop until a period shows up before I’m allowed to start the pills again.

I stopped the pills about 2.5 weeks ago and it has been a nightmare.  My Endometriosis pains are the worst that they’ve EVER been, my mood is all over the place, hormonal migraines are taking me down, and despite all of the misery, my period REFUSES to start.

I was at the point where I was actually crying and begging for my pills back and to forget following the doctor’s orders, but I live with my mom (who is a pharmacist), who is holding out in favor of following the rules.  It’s probably the right decision, I just can’t believe how much these pills have been helping me over the last few months!  I may still be a mess in a million ways, but those pills had managed to get a few very important issues under control and I miss them!!

Cross your fingers for me that I can get them back sooner rather than later…I’m not coping so well with it all!

I love this picture and this film! [Moonrise Kingdom]

xoxo,

Annie

Verbal Release Therapy

Verbal Release Therapy

So it’s been a long time…

I was thinking about giving up this blog entirely, as I couldn’t seem to articulate my thoughts.  I also didn’t seem to think about anything that was worth sharing.  I sort of retreated into my own little shell, and while I’m not sure that I’m back out of it, I’m tentatively dipping my toes in the water.

  • The holidays were tough.  I do not do well having to socialize with that many people at one time, and as a result, I ended up having a meltdown or two.  They were incredibly lovely otherwise though – I wish the Christmas tree could be up longer, as I find it incredibly magical with all of the lights!
  • Today is the first day that everyone has gone back to work, so I’m attempting to reestablish a routine for myself.  Plus, I get to go back to hogging my all the kitty lovin’!
  • {Continued many hours later…} My resolution was to take shorter naps this year, but I spent five hours asleep with the Marmiekins, so that didn’t work out so well.  I will try to remember to set the alarm for tomorrow.
  • My endometriosis is causing me MAJOR pain these last few days :(
  • My room is feeling claustrophobic, even though I’ve cleaned it up lately.  I just have too many things that I don’t want to throw out (especially books and magazines).
  • I know I’ve made a lot of progress from the state that I was in a few years ago, but every once in awhile something will happen that will show me that things aren’t quite as far along as I had hoped… This is especially true in regards to my high-functioning autism, which I keep feeling like I should be able to change, but the fundamental ways that I react to people remain similar, no matter how much therapy I go through.

(Image from WeHeartIt)

How is everyone doing?  Is there anyone still reading this thing, or should I retire it for good?  Fill me in on your struggles, your holiday, or your fellow desire to be a cat in a spoiled household!

xoxo,

Annie

Happy Holidays Everyone!!

Happy Holidays Everyone!!

I’m still alive everyone!!  No need to worry, I just am still trying to screw my head back on and get myself into the kind of routine that works for me.

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays to all of my readers who have stuck around!  I’m sending you all the love in the world from myself and the Marmiekins, and I hope you have nice family time and give or receive a present or two that make you happy!!  Most of all, I hope that you feel well enough to enjoy the next few days – my wish for Christmas is that our illnesses give us respite for a few days in favor of some nice times!

My sister will hopefully be home later today! I so look forward to seeing her!  The next couple of days are going to be super family time, so hopefully I have the energy (and lack of pain) to participate!

It will then be time for all of us to have a Happy New Year!  It’s hard to believe that 2014 is almost here already!  Where does the time go??

(Image from WeHeartIt)

Fill me in on your holiday plans!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo,

Annie

Verbal Release Therapy

Verbal Release Therapy
I’ve clearly been struggling with this whole blogging thing.  I’m attempting to make some changes in my life, and with the chaos of the holidays, I just don’t seem to have it in me to write!  It doesn’t help that I haven’t been comfortable with planting myself down in front of my actual computer.  It’s so much easier to use my iPad for everything, but it isn’t great at a) multitasking and b) blog composing abilities.
So here are some random thoughts that I’ve been collecting over the last week:
  • This video, while a corporate stunt, made my heart grow about 4 sizes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIEIvi2MuEk
  • I wanted to buy my cat a bow-tie for Christmas, but I waited too long, and now it won’t be able to be shipped here on time!  Boo.  It might have to be an after Christmas present!  I think he’ll look so handsome :)
  • I don’t know how people quit sugar.  I want to in theory, but I can’t even wrap my head around it with Celiac Disease, Gastroparesis, and serious taste sensitivities all being involved…
  • I love the end of the year lists with all the ‘best of’ and ‘worst of’ everything!
  • Wuthering Heights captures atmosphere in a way that I’ve never felt before in a novel.  It’s truly remarkable.
  • I’m trying to debate whether it is a  good idea to try to move out of my parents’ house, or a bad idea. I see my psychologist tomorrow, and she would be required to write the letters to the people who control money, so I guess a large part of that decision will be up to her.
  • I’ve started The Interestings by Meg Wolitzer, but I’m still not sure how I feel about it…
  • Watching my cat climb the Christmas tree, only to panic that he can’t get back down, has easily been one of the funniest parts of my life as of late.
  • I donated at least a quarter of the clothes in my closet this past weekend :)
  • I desperately need to answer my emails…I’ve been putting them off for about two weeks now, and it’s getting into that overwhelming stage.
Okay, off to attempt something that remotely resembles productivity.  I hope none of you are missing me – trust me, my life has turned massively boring as of late!  Tell me about your days instead!
xoxo,
Annie

Love Me Fridays (on a Monday)

Love Me Fridays (on a Monday)
  • Making a list, checking it twice…(!)
  • Tumblr, for allowing me to express myself when I can’t seem to bring myself to blog – which is happening WAY too often lately and really bumming me out.  I’m just so fatigued lately that I can’t even hold a decent conversation, let alone write a blog post that anyone would want to read.  I don’t know what to do about it.  That aspect of life I’m really NOT LOVING.  Even remotely.  I’m struggling.
  • When the weather is just right for a book (during the snowstorm the other night, I started Wuthering Heights, which is the perfect book for that horrid weather!)
  • I finished the scrapbook for my mom for Christmas, which I’ve been working on for the past six months!  It was such a relief to finish in time!
  • Pantone’s 2014 Color of the Year – Radiant Orchid!  Such a beautiful shade!  I look forward to it being splashed all over everything.

Does anyone have any happy things that they can list to cheer a girl up?  I’d love to hear the good things from a week that someone actually enjoyed!

xoxo,

Annie