I missed a couple of meds and last night I went into withdrawal. You’d think after all these years that I could remember to take every pill on time, but I still manage to scramble them up. I guess they give me a cold, harsh reality about the power of these pills both in my body and out. I will definitely be more careful for awhile until my next inevitable slip-up. It ended up with me not sleeping, all my muscles went into spasm, and I was drenched in sweat and freezing to death. This morning I added the meds back to my system, and I think I’m starting to come around. Now I’ll just need an epic nap!
It doesn’t look like said nap is going to occur thanks to a repairman showing up. I might just look at everything with Zombie eyes for the rest of the day. I need to find something fluffy to watch.
While this might be true, I don’t recommend reading books and neglecting reading your prescription labels or you will end up like I am today
It doesn’t matter if I set alarms…if my schedule changes even the slightest bit, I manage to throw my meds off. I’m a routine girl through and through. I do not fly by the seat of my pants, I do not pass Go, and I do not collect 200 dollars (that makes me wish I had someone to play Monopoly with!).
Okay, I’m taking my slightly delirious self back to the couch. I hope you are all having days that are as close to good as possible!
Well there hasn’t been a whole lot to love in the past few weeks, but I’m going to try to pull myself together and write a blog.
- I’m so grateful for my mother and father for being there during my emotional breakdowns and doing anything and everything that they can to help. My mom is getting me some doctor appointments, so hopefully I can get everything more under control again.
- I have been so immensely sick. It’s hard to even think straight when you are that ill, but I finally feel like my head is starting to clear a little bit.
- I’m was worried I wouldn’t get back into writing again! I didn’t feel capable of stringing words together there for awhile.
- I have wonderful blog readers who just leave me lovely get well wishes when I have to bail from writing to take care of myself. I need to be so kind to myself
- I need to push myself to join something in public even though I don’t trust my health and my mouth.
There tends to be no life without struggle…
(Images from WeHeartIt)
So how have all you wonderful people been? Do you need to have a rant? If you do, feel free to join me – life has been extra stressful lately! Sending love and well wishes to each and every one of you for not minding that I had to take a week off!
I wish I could be blogging for you all right now, but I’m just too sick.
I hope you understand.
- My 712 Things To Draw book is fun to pass the time, even though some of my drawings could use some work! It’s good practice though!
- The Glades is good light entertainment to pass my time until I get over this whole gastro flu situation…
- Elle magazine gave me a little inspiration this week
- The Laughing Squid website, courtesy of Mei-Lu…
- Searching for new Ecojot notebooks and some awesome pens to go with them (anyone have some favorite pens??)
- The http://27bslash6.com website…which is so full of funny in the most aggravating way!
- My last few hours with Ashley!
Weirdness is cool now!
I love how true this is!
And in honor of saying goodbye to my sister, a rainbow of Legos! Her phone case is made out of Lego and I’ve been eyeballing it all week!
(Images from WeHeartIt)
This post makes me seem like I’m a lot happier than I am, as right now I’m a hormonal, crying mess with a gastric flu, saying goodbye to my darling little sister. Fingers crossed that things look up again soon!
Anyone want to share their extra happiness with me this week? I think I could use some!
My sister leaves again on Saturday.
I have a feeling that it’s going to throw me into a bit of a slump, especially since I’m already in a bummed out state of existence. I hate that two weeks out of every month involve me being a slave to my hormonal depression shift. It’s been hard to read and write anything…I’m basically capable of watching mindless television and staring at the wall.
She’s been so much fun to be around…we laugh together, play iPad games, watch great movies on the new Apple TV that she bought for us, and she even cooks healthy meals!
I hope she stays safe in her travels to Israel and maybe Turkey, etc., etc., I know I’ll be looking forward to all her interesting stories and pictures!!
It’s going to be so lonely again here shortly. It’s a good thing that Marmie is a decent listener for a kitty!
I need to make myself one of these!
Now I’m going to continue to lay on the couch with my mom, as we’re both stuck with some kind of gastric illness… Tell me, what do you do when you’re down and out to feel better?
“The only people with whom you should try to get even with are those who have helped you.”
- John E. Southard
This is another brilliant quote. Many things bother me in the world, one of which is people’s inability to forgive and/or forget. I don’t fully understand the concept of retribution, despite the fact that a few people have caused some truly terrible instances in my life; ones for which many individuals would want to exact revenge. Maybe it’s the chronic illness speaking, but life is too short to hold grudges.
I like the idea of devoting your life to helping those that have helped you (and anyone that you can extend help to in general!), as opposed to focusing on those that have hurt you and the fear that comes with those experiences. I’ve been learning that the majority of people don’t intend to be hurtful. I have run into a few intentionally cruel individuals, but they are not the norm. I have had to learn to let go of the massive negativity that coexists with those incidents, but the PTSD that came with them never truly disappears. I am lucky that a DNA test was done on me, so that my doctors realized just how little dopamine was in my body. I was a much less peaceful person before I started Ritalin, so I have seen things from both sides of this issue. I think the chemicals in some people’s bodies make them prone to that kind of behavior…which doesn’t necessarily make it right or wrong, it just is.
I know that all my readers help me, so I try to write things that will help them. My twitter friends help me endlessly, so I try to cheer them up and develop relationships with them. Those people are so meaningful to me as they know entirely what I’m going through. My family (where I include certain friends) are my life. There may not be a lot of them, but I’m trying.
Things A Chronically Ill Person Can Do To Make Someone’s Day:
- A handwritten card in the mail! Nothing means more to me than that. Except for maybe a care package…but I need to make more money if I want to start sending a bunch of those!
- Make someone something artistic
- Buy them a little item that they wouldn’t necessarily get for themselves, but that they would enjoy (if you can’t make it to a store, buy something on the Internet)!
- Flowers (same as above)!
- A coffee or tea date – whether in person or over a Google Hangout or Skype!
- Compliment people!
- Thank people for what they do for you!
- Recommend the things that you love to others!
- Donate things from your home that you don’t need anymore
Let’s make an effort to be more kind to each other. I sure know I want to work at it!
What do you do to make people feel loved?
- I had a bit of a hormonal(?) crying spell this past week…I haven’t cried myself to sleep for two nights in a row now, so yay!
- Last night my skin hurt so bad that I had to take off my ring…I get a lot of pain from sheets and showers and things, but that was the first time I had to take off my beloved ring!
- My gold skirt has either become too short, or I am becoming more of a prude than I was when I bought it. Either way, it’s only being worn with leggings now (or potentially being donated…).
- Reading Ashley’s travel books, only to get bummed out that I’ve never managed to see any of the countries that she’s visited. I would so like to go to Europe.
- Season 4 of Arrested Development was good…but not great. I understand why they had to structure it the way they did, but there were so many questions come the end!
- My sister leaves at the end of this week
- My Internet is being all lame – totally a first world problem, but frustrating all the same!
- I need to find some inspiration for this blog…I’m going to go brainstorm for the rest of the day!
It would be great if life would allow for this!
It’s true, I’ve tried a few times!
(Images from WeHeartIt)
How are all of my beloved readers on this Monday? Need to have a rant after a rough week? Feel free to do so in the comments…I love hearing from you!
- Cuddles with Mr. Kitters
- Watching Arrested Development and Nip/Tuck episodes with my sister
- Reading girly magazines on the deck with some fresh air and sunshine…
- Any day that I don’t have as much pain as I did yesterday!
- Trying new art experiments (even if they fail!)
- Edgar Degas paintings…so enchanting
- The swelling in my stomach has gone down!
- Shopping online for craft materials
- Looking at art on Flickr
- The game Dots is my newest addiction
- I’m madly in love with my newest nail polish colors…they are going to be in high rotation all summer!
- That after this weekend, the mega project that my mom is working on for her job will steal less of her time!
My future cat commune!
Yes, indeed! Add in a cat though. And a coffee machine.
And enjoy yourself. The best advice there is.
(Images from WeHeartIt)
What are you lovely folks grateful for at the end of this week? Share your happiness with me! I can always use a little extra!
My sister is home
It’s wonderful having her here, when she’s not working really long hours at the hospital. She brings this sort of natural joy to the household, where everyone chatters and laughs more than usual. It’s nice to see everyone vibe off of her energy, including myself, although sometimes I find her energy exhausting. I couldn’t live the way she does. She’s a 100% extrovert with friends everywhere and anywhere. I’m lucky if I can spend two hours with people and not want to run for a) my bed or b) the trees (if my bed is not available!).
It’s fascinating listening to her stories and the stories of people around her, as they are all growing into interesting adults. It kind of pulls on my heartstrings at the same time, as although I’m incredibly happy for her and everyone else, I am also somewhat mourning my inability to have any stories whatsoever. That’s what happens when you become mostly housebound. Every day is a repeat of the last. She leaves soon to travel around the world again – and I’m super jealous because she’s going to Istanbul, which is a place that I’ve ALWAYS wanted to visit. She’s also visiting Israel and Germany (and maybe more, you never know with her!). I hope that she takes bucket loads of pictures so that I can live vicariously through her.
I had a panic attack the other night that was kind of sad. I had just gone to see the movie Star Trek with her and her friend, and I had laughed so much in their presence. It’s rare that I laugh and have a good time with someone who is basically like a built-in friend – I know if I say or do the wrong thing, she’s still going to be there. When we returned home, my loneliness hit me like a ton of bricks. I stood in the kitchen silently sobbing and trying to breathe. As soon as I get used to having her here, she’s going to be gone again.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m going to attempt to enjoy every minute that I can while she’s here…it is just mixing up a multitude of emotions that I haven’t experienced for awhile. Those emotions could really stand to go take a hike.
How are all of my beloved readers doing?
Lately I’ve been wondering about the effect of medication on both my personality and my artistic endeavors.
I realize that I *need* the medication. It has managed to curb the outbursts, the massive crying spells, the black holes, etc… I still react poorly to hearing anyone change the tone of their voice, but generally, I’m much better at not scaring everyone in my life away (not that there are that many left…).
The only problem is how flat I’ve become. I have absolutely no interest in dating anyone ever. That part of my life has just died. I don’t even feel like one gender versus the other, minus the *stereotypical* girly things that I like to partake in now and then. I no longer feel those transcendent highs, the same way I no longer feel those lower than lows. Those moments were great for my art, as they were truly inspiring, but in that same sense, I could churn out a ton of pages, only to be left unable to touch my art for months upon months of apathy. My life was much more interesting back then, so I had more that I could discuss. Mind you, I was incredibly sick.
Now my mental and physical state are reasonably well controlled by a large pile of medication. I can work a little bit at my art every day, as I no longer have those massive mental blocks that drowned me. Sadly, I also don’t have those moments of obsession and greatness. I can laugh though, which is something that I didn’t get to do much before.
It’s frustrating, because I know that I can’t go back to my life without the medication. It would be one thing if I just needed an attitude adjustment, but I truly was an emotional minefield that could be set off at any moment. I guess I’ll just keep plugging along.
Has anyone else battled the debate between flatness caused by medication and the ups and downs of mental illness?